Since last posting, life has been quietly busy. There haven't been any life-shattering insights or breakthroughs for me that I can see. My body still feels gripped by fear more often than I like. I don't enjoy feeling fear and don't know why it is so present in my life. I try to make it my friend and I often remember to let it be and feel it or experience it. It will fade into the nothing or wherever it vanishes to, and then shortly thereafter, pop back up in my body.
In a recent post, I mentioned that I had taken my mother into town and that I found my Self less shy with people I met. Today, I noticed this trend continuing, especially when I walked Sadie in the woods. Several times, I was the one who initiated contact with others; usually, it is others who initiate contact with me. I find my Self really enjoying these interactions when before, I would have avoided them.
I have been troubled by a dilemma related to my son and his paramour's move to Chetwynd. I have wanted to help them more with the financial consequences of such a move, but can no longer afford to give them thousands of dollars as they have used up all my reserves. Every time issues such as how are we going to be able to afford a car or acquire twleve thousand dollars for settling in expenses, I have felt that I should do something and when no inspiration came to act and I did nothing, I felt a little guilty. I kept telling my Self that if Source wants these two to move, it can find other benefactors for them, or cause them to shift their expectations such that they could figure out a more economical means to move. And it seems that Universe did its Infinitely Mysterious thing and called on others to help them. They will bus up to the paramour's family's home where her father has a vehicle lined up for them. Somebody else has loaned them two thousand dollars for this auto that they will pay back, interest-free, at a nominal rate. An appartment became available all of a sudden just three days ago and on Friday, they met with my son's paternal grandmother who arranged a money order through her bank, for them to cover the first month's rent and damage deposit. So it is all coming together for them, I didn't have to do any more than I knew I could, I didn't have to feel guilty, and they leave on Friday.
And yesterday, I was motivated to go to a local garden centre to buy a Calla for one of my planters. This was truly inspired, I think, as I not only found my Calla, but a newly put out tray of salad burnet. Salad burnet is a herb that I have come to enjoy on salads. I mix its chopped leaves into oil and vinegar dressing so that they can impart a cucumber flavour to my salad. Salad burnet is one of those things that is very difficult to find and I have been searching for it for the last few years. Not even local exclusive herb farms carry it. In the past, I have grown it from seed, but salad burnet seeds have to be mail-ordered from back east as there are no local seed companies that supply it. Anyway, I didn't have the energy this year to order them, and was pretty certain I wouldn't have the energy to start them either. So I was absolutely thrilled to find a well-grown young plant at my nursery. It is perennial and will seed itself, so once I have it, I will eventually get more of it.
So it is in these little subtle ways that I think that I can see Source being active in my, and others' lives.
Namaste
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