Krishnamurti

While I was doing the weekly chores for my mum, I paused to browse her bookshelves in search of her four-of-five volume set of Mme Blavatsky's Secret Doctorine. Unfortunatley, I was unable to find it, but I did find Krishnamurti's Notebook. Apparently, this publication was created out of Krishnamurti's spiritual journal which he kept for some months. As I read it, I realize that it is a little like me blogging, only Krishnamurti had far more insights and interesting spiritual experiences to report than I seem to have. Well, he is/was very well known and for good reason and I am a nobody which is how I like it: unless I get called to be otherwise, which I think would be satisfying. But that is likely the little me that thinks that: the true Self wouldn't care, and I do know that from the few occasions I have had it come forward and run my life for several hours.

I had stopped my meditation practice for about ten days, and have decided to resume it. While I say I stopped it, I never go a day without finding many moments throughout to contemplate, and most of the time, my mind is focused on spiritual matters. When I say I meditate, what I really do is try and suss out my true Self and attempt to be It while I am doing whatever it is I am doing. I still find it easier to have a still mind during the evening. And for the most part, during the evening the mind seems to still itself without me doing anything to quieten it. I will be relaxing and suddenly realize that I am at peace and my mind hasn't yammered for a while. I then bask in this quiet which has come all over me, effortlessly.

Back to Krishnamurti's Notebook: I began reading a page or two per day in lieu of Goldsmith. As I have only been reading it for two days, I haven't gone very far with it. I decided to read it in small bites so that I only have a small amount of information to digest. As I am struggling with what I am supposed to do next, I really appreciated the following:
     "To do something for its own sake seems quite difficult and almost undesirable. Social values are based on doing something for the sake of something else. This makes for barren existence, a life which is never complete, full. This is one of the reasons of disintegrating discontent.
     To be satisfied is ugly but to be discontented breeds hatred. To be virtuous in order to gain heaven or the approval of the respectable, of society, makes of life a barren field which has been ploughed over and over again but has never been sown. This activity of doing something for the sake of something else is in essence an intricate series of escapes, escapes from oneself, from what is." (Krishnamurti. Krishnamurti's Notebook. 49th).

I am glad I typed this out here as I found my Self delving deeper into it. I was at Canadian Tire about ninety minutes ago and saw that they are looking for a sales person in the garden centre. I am tempted to apply, but at the moment, I would be doing it for the money and not for any other reason. Interestingly, a couple of days ago I received the intuitive word that it is time to bring out the spinning wheels and knitting needles and create a sleeveless sweater for next winter. I cannot describe how surprised I was at this as all passion for anything fibre died years ago. I have hung onto most of my equipment in case, and have used it here and there and have been knitting dish cloths every month or so.

I find it curious that my response to the suggestion that it is time to take up the fibre arts again, is skepticism. I am skeptical because I cannot decide if this idea to create comes from the Infinite Mystery, or the little me. According to Adyashanti, if one is busily rationalizing something, it is because it has arisen out of the little me. I have to admit, though, that the suggestion to create a sleeveless sweater popped into my head from nothingness and was not a byproduct of a brainstorming session or any other mental exercise designed to solve a problem. I felt pleasure at the thought and wonder if that too is a product of the little me, or if it is really the true Self responding favourably to the Infinite Mystery. Either way, making my Self a sleeveless sweater for next winter fits in far better with the philosophy laid out in Krishnamurti's passage than working at the garden centre of Canadian Tire, even though one wouldn't provide income, but the other one would.

Namaste