Tony Parsons

Thanks to some information on a blog, I am going to read Tony Parsons's book, The Open Secret. While I wait to receive my copy, I spent much of last night on Youtube listening to interviews with and talks given by Tony Parsons. Very interesting. The more I listen to awakened ones talk about what it is like to awaken, the more I am convinced that I have experienced this state. I find myself agreeing with various descriptions of it and realizing that others have as much difficulty describing it as I have describing the strange event that I experienced. I will continue to search for information about what it is like to awaken until I am convinced that I either did or did not have this experience.

I sometimes find seeking in isolation to be challenging. It would be helpful to dialogue one-on-one with somebody who has experienced awakening as a means to confirm whether or not one has experienced it. So if anybody is reading this blog and wants to talk about this in an open forum or privately by email, I would appreciate some assistance. Everybody who has succeeded says that it just happens and those twenty minutes that I experienced six years ago were exactly like that: one moment I was ego-based and the next, it was as if I had stepped back from something and was operating out of an entirely different state or dimension. Some awakened people imply that that was it and I awakened and Adyashanti says that some people get a taste of it before the real thing happens.

I know I am profoundly different now to how I was a few years ago, but I know I have not returned to the way I was during that earlier experience. I have become less flappable, almost emotionless, devoid almost of passion, disinterested in almost everything, but still very curious and am perfectly capable of feeling anxious. But the false self or ego is still very much around, or maybe it isn't. This is where it would be so nice to talk about this with somebody. Yes, there must be ego happening as I flinch when my mother suggests I cut my hair although I wear it short, and feel a little hurt when I dress up nicely for an occasion and she tells me that it is not enough. At times like these, I recognize that I am reacting in my emotional centre and from the false self and either write or feel my way through the problem.

Last night, ss I lay in bed waiting for sleep, I listened to Adyashanti talking about the experience of awakening. Talk about waking up: I suddenly realized that the annual family gathering to be held this Saturday had been cancelled due to flu that has infected the bodies of my sister, niece, and their families. This meant that I could attend Distaff Day instead. I had wanted to go to this, but because it conflicted with my family engagement, had decided I would have to give it a miss. At 0100h, I could stand it no longer so got out of bed to see if I had a spinning project that I could take so that I could joing in the spinning circle. I found that I needed to free a bobbin so I spent some time plying approximately 145 yards/metres of three-ply. Once I had freed a bobbin, I wound the lot onto a skein winder. I say I am rarely passionate which is true, but I felt a deep sense of joy as I worked at one of my hobbies which, at one time, I would have referred to as a beloved hobby. Now and most days, I can take it or leave it.

Even Laksmi and Shanti got into it and took up supervisory posts in the living room, and Sadie jumped onto the couch and slept beside me as I worked. I went to bed well after 0300h so had a very short night. This is the second time in the last few weeks that I have been inspired to get up after midnight and perform a task. I wonder if this is commonplace for others who are seeking. I know that it is quite normal to wake at 0300h and many people use this as an opportunity to meditate. I don't feel too tired for this short night, but expect I will need a nap towards evening.

As there is a potluck, I have just finished making my contribution of a quiche. While I was preparing it and everything else for Distaff Day, my son and his significant girlfriend went into town to do some banking. On the way home, they were the third car (it's my car) in a chain reaction rear end collision. In other words, a truck ran into the car behind them and knocked it into the back of my car. Fortunately, my little Yaris has barely a scratch on her left rear bumper, but in case there is a problem with a light bulb and I have to replace it, or I decide to touch up the paint, I went through ICBC's claim process. It is interesting that I was very little concerned about the state of my dear little car who I cherish, even before seeing the extent of the damage which is minimal, but I was very anxious about the process of putting in the claim. It was a new adventure for me and I wanted to get it right, so maybe that's why I was concerned by the process. Everybody who I have listened to who has awakened, says that being awake doesn't mean that one is free of fear and anxiety, but it is easier to manage. If how I handled this incident is an indication of things to come, I am grateful.

Namaste