Yesterday was a very difficult day. I felt the truth; that I have no power to help myself or change anything for the better and I wanted to die. Some would argue the impossibility of changing one's lot in life and I think that there are actions one can take and actions one should avoid and good and bad choices, but when it comes to the big stuff like landing a job, I think it takes the hand of the universe to intervene and make it happen. I am open to discovering that I am wrong.
I think that what one puts out is what one gets back, and there is some scientific proof of this to support the theory. In fact, I would say that this is truly what Karma is all about. Joel Goldsmith discusses laws. When he talks about laws, he is not talking about man's laws or national laws. He is talking about Universe's laws or truths, like gravity and thermodynamics. It seems that attracting back to one's self what one puts out is also one of Universe's laws. Laws as found in the ten commandments are probably man made as there is evidence that those laws came from Moses and not from God, and yes, we can argue that God inspired them, but according to Neale Donald Walsch's books, they did not come from God. However, they are useful for creating harmony among humans. Laws such as speed limits and cell phone usage and eating fish on Fridays are man's laws and therefore changeable, but Universe's laws are fixed. But notwithstanding laws, if God is the only power in the Universe, then only God can put harmony and balance into my life. I have not the power to do this for myself.
After a terrible evening of Tylenol to soothe the emotional pain, Benadryl to help me go to sleep, and a little bit of alcohol to numb my ability to think, I had a deep sleep. This morning, I woke well before my alarm, got up and went into the kitchen to feed Sadie, Laksmi, and Shanti. After they were taken care of, I took my thyroid med, but put the warfarin back in its bottle. I was preparing to do a load of laundry when the phone rang. Every time the phone rings, my heart jumps and hope arises only to be dashed when I find out that the caller isn't somebody inviting me in for a job interview or offering me employment. This morning, it was my mother and she asked if I could come into town as she had forgotten to pay me, and she had some extra work for me to do and she wanted to pay me for that, too. So I took my warfarin, finished my laundry, and went to her aid.
$30 heavier, I was able to go and buy the eggs, lettuce, and other items on the shopping list that I had not been able to buy on Sunday because I had no money for them. I thanked the universe and bought a healthy frill (treat -- a long English cucumber to be enjoyed in sandwiches of my homemade spelt bread) as well. Yes, I can be horribly fickle and completely without focus and direction as I battle or glide my way through life. At times, I even become so angry that I denounce God and want to behave in a wreckless fashion.
I have decided to leave yesterday's post as it is a good example of how being spiritual doesn't necessarily solve anything or improve one's lot. I have been told that when one awakens spiritually, one will still have glitches in life, but one won't care about them. I can believe this.
For now, I am exhausted after last night's emotional collapse. I have had a busy day job hunting, helping my mum, walking Sadie in the woods and in the sunshine, shopping, and using up a dozen egg whites in a homemade spelt angel food cake. For this, I even make the icing sugar: 1 C sugar whirled in the blender for a few minutes to powder it, and 1 tbsp arrowroot added to the powdered sugar. When I first made corn-free icing sugar, I couldn't believe how easy it was and was so totally amazed at what I had done, that I shared my experience and excitement with my son who shared it with his significant other who immediately wanted to make lavender icing sugar. Her response to her creation was similar to mine. So I was not the only one "over the top" about it.
Namaste
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