Why Label IT Crazy?

I have been busy the last four days, what with helping my Mum; taking her to ER on Friday the thirteenth to find out she needed more medication to regulate her heart rate (in Canada, if you need to see a doctor quickly, it is better to go to the ER than book an appointment which might mean waiting a week or two before you get to see your doctor); visiting with my daughter; and catching up on yardwork and general cooking that had been postponed due to all the other activity.

Last week, in approximately two sittings, I read Michael Mirdad's "You're Not Going Crazy ... You're Just Waking Up!" I am not certain what to think or say about this book, but maybe an almost incoherent brainstorming ramble would be the best way to talk about it, so here goes.

First of all, never during my process of realizing my true nature have I thought that I was going crazy. Even some of the most unusual experiences were received as "somehow normal" by the mind. The main awakening experience was matter-of-fact and during this second episode, I was constantly being advised by a small wee voice -- thoughts or ideas rather than words -- that what was happening was normal and I was being looked after and I had nothing to worry about. I don't think crazy is a good word at all for what I experienced. I find it interesting that, for the most part, I was unaware that anything was shifting.

The closest metaphor I can think of that relates to my life process of waking up is a rather distasteful one: that of cooking a crab. You know, it is in cool water and the water heats up and it doesn't notice until suddenly, POW! its existence is transformed.

As I read Mirdad's little book, I realized that I had been through most of the phases he talks about. Oh, yes, Mirdad breaks down the awakening process into five stages. He writes, "The Soul Transformation Process can be understood best when divided into its five primary stages: 1) Dismantling, 2) Emptiness, 3) Disorientation, 4) Re-building, and 5) A New Life. Mirdad. page 2. Having said that I have been through most of the phases he talks about, I must acknowledge that I continue to deal with Dismantling, Emptiness, Disorientation, and Re-building.

Yesterday while walking Sadie, I realized that I have been dealing with Dismantling for most of my adult life without realizing that that was what was happening. Mirdad claims that Dismantling begins when "there is something about your life that has been stuck or stagnant for too long and now needs to be changed." Much of my adult life regularly spiralled into a stuck place, I would attend to it, leaning heavily on philosophy, spiritual practices, and teachings to aid in the recovery, come unstuck, and life would be more enjoyable for a few months. Actually, I have to thank these stuck stagnant periods of my life because I finally "got" that no matter what I did to improve my life, it still wasn't working. I guess that this is when the straw that broke the camel's back occurred: I had finally become employed, was earning money for the first time since before the children were born, and realized that although I now had personal spending power, I wasn't any the happier for it. Then my marriage of thirty-one years suddenly came to an end. It was also during this time that I entered a major dark night of the soul which lasted, um, I would say, until the second year of college, or from January 2006 until September 2008. It was also at the beginning of this dark night that I experienced my second, but I view it as my first, flirt with self-realization.

I am not convinced that Mr. Mirdad is awake in the sense that Adyashanti is awake. I think that I am an inveterate skeptic, but we will see and I regard it as healthy and appropriate to the spiritual search. When I am spiritually awake and know that I am spiritually awake, I won't care whether Mr. Mirdad is or is not awake. For now, as I am desperately seeking mentors and guidence that is external to me or really, validates the internal guidence I am receiving which I am often also skeptical of, I want to feel that my teachers are genuine and not shams. I think that You're Not Going Crazy ... You're Just Waking Up, could be a very useful book to many students on the spiritual path. I am not certain that it has helped me, and I can't help wondering what Mr. Mirdad thinks it is like to be spiritually awake. Although I try to avoid thinking that I know what it is like to be spiritually awake, I have two experiences that insist on being the examples for what I am trying to achieve.

Adyashanti says that when it (spiritual awakening) happens, you won't miss it. With this pointer in mind, I can only say that what happened to me in those two experiences could not possibly be missed. They were far more than cooking a crab by the method described above. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that they resembled being dropped into water already on the point of boil. It was that dramatic. One couldn't miss it.

Namaste.