It has occurred to me that it is time to analyze the nature of my idle thinking. What I call idle thinking is that thinking that one seems to do mindlessly and incessantly to entertain one's Self. Really, it is an almost unconscious method one uses to avoid experiencing the nothing or that void that one senses when everything ceases to be; when all thinking and activity stops; when one is (probably) in a state of potential energy; when one is doing nothing and nothing is happening and one is so idle that one seems to suddenly be without identity or familiar feelings or active emotional energy systems. It is the state that one quickly masks with busyness or an addiction. This void or emptiness becomes apparent when familiar favourite feelings have ceased, and is quickly rejected in favour of these ceased familiar favourite feelings of, say, anxiety or fear or annoyance: whatever feeling has become the undercurrent of one's life; whatever feeling that is so present for so much of the time that should it disappear, one panics and quickly tries to get it back.
Lately, I have been observing and taking stock of this idle thinking -- self-talk or self-chatter -- and see that it is all aimed at justifying the existence of the little Me. How fascinating. I wonder what I will do with this information?
Namaste
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