This morning's reading from Beyond Thoughts and Words was dealing with the concept of the kingdom of God within one. As a consequence, before my morning meditation, I contemplated what the kingdom of God might be. The word "peace" came to me. I then reviewed my dream about being dead and my initial awakening experience in order to remind myself what inner peace felt like. I came to the conclusion that it is my lack of inner peace that is what I have to rectify. In other words, to find the kingdom of God within, I must eradicate all sense of unease. I think I now understand that it is to achieve this goal of inner peace that Jed McKenna recommends the use of autolysis.
As I hung my laundry to dry, prepared and ate breakfast, and washed my dishes, I considered to think about this and realized that I am constantly being bombarded by feelings of anxiety and fear. I realized that I need to find a method for expelling the cause of these feelings, from my being; a method that works for me, whether it be autolysis or contemplation or by the Grace of God. I am beginning to see what McKenna means about being a spiritual warrior and battling all the people, thoughts, and indoctrination that attach us to ideas that evoke emotions and prevent a state of inner peace.
Byron Katie has a process in her book Loving What Is, but I am not certain if it is the formula that will work for me. However, I do appreciate her instructions to find out what is true -- McKenna and Adyashanti concur with this -- and often use it to work through a problem. What has worked for me is free writing in which I don't follow a formula, but follow my train of thoughts and often at some point during the process, I am given clarity and I often end up with some form of emotional discharge, and I do feel better for it.
Namaste
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