A HOLIDAY followed by A CHALLENGE

Yesterday, I drove to Victoria to hang out with my daughter and son-in-law, attend an Arrogant Worm's concert, watch a BBC season of a very good detection mystery called "Waking the Dead," overnight in one of her spare bedrooms, and this morning help her with the pruning of her fruit trees and bushes. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. What a wonderful daughter she is: I am so lucky to have her.

Early this evening, my son's paramour received a job offer that would relocate the two of them to near Chetwynd, B.C. which she accepted. We are so excited for her: a real salary and in her chosen field of anthropology/archaeology. Now I begin the process of dealing with their departure. I cannot afford to help them financially and had been thinking that living and working in Duncan for a few months would allow them the opportunity to grow a bit of savings so that they can purchase a vehicle and have a bit of money for settling in, etc. As this didn't happen, I am sure Universe has a plan and will help them out. Maybe her parents can countersign a loan for her or something like that. Anyway, I am sure they are proud of their daughter and will find some way to help her with a financial "leg up." I have loaned them plenty over the last few years and they haven't been able to pay anything back and I daren't dig into my retirement nest egg for fear that I won't get it back by the time I need it. You see, although I want to trust Universe, I am not convinced that it benefits anyone to be foolish. And loaning to somebody who has large student loans and is only loosely attached to me, and has shown no sign of being able to save money let alone pay anything back seems foolish.

Anyway, I am already feeling a little sad about their pending departure. I always feel sad to the point of grief when people I love withdraw their energy from me. It will be short-lived, but intense. I have learned to allow myself to sink into the feelings of loss and go with them, although the old habits of being philosophical and chastising myself for being silly about my grief are difficult to overcome and I will have unsuccessful bouts of self-talk aimed at encouraging me to feel better. When I feel wretched, I ought to stop avoiding the experience. On the positive side, their leaving will help my financial dilemma and I can have my car all for my Self. And they haven't gone yet. Anything can happen, but I fear that if this job were to fall through, my son's paramour would sink into a deep clinical depression, something she is close to doing, even now.

For years, I have been looking after my son's cat while he moves around the world with his paramour. This cat is very fond of him and has happily moved in with him now that he is living on my property, and spends hours sleeping on his lap. I will feel very sorry for her, too, for I am certain that she will, in some cat-like way, also miss him. She is nearing the end of her life and he may never see her alive, again. At least they have had this winter together.

I am really enjoying Seth Speaks, even though I am finding it to be a slow read. By this I mean that I am attempting to understand what Seth is saying and many sentences have to be re-read three or four times, very slowly, in order for me to begin to grasp the ideas.

Namaste